The Bridal Exhibition

It's the Harrogate Bridal Exhibition (BBEH) for the bridal traders this week, I am smiling in the knowledge I no longer have to suffer it. It did, however bring back some memories of previous visits...

Oh the joy of the Bridal Trade Exhibition where we lovingly walk gracefully around beautiful stands of elegant bridal gowns viewing graceful models in these wonderful creations whilst nodding or swaying a hand to confirm this addition to our collection and sipping glasses of champagne and eating truffles and then retiring to our luxury hotel suite for an evening at the Bridal Awards Dinner...

Er.. No not exactly!

When at the show you pass many other Bridal Shop owners, some of these ladies have been in "the business of wedding" for years and you can spot them a mile off. Mulling through stand after stand polyester white beaded dresses they stand with designer handbag over shoulder always in compulsory gaudy gold colour, i-phone in one hand, palm in the other (ear piece if they want to be really sad) and very sparkly expensive looking jewellery over every finger, wrist and neck (yes they have multiple necks haha) with Bleached Blonde highlights, extensions or even a wig, false nails, fake tan and lots and lots of make-up.

All this is because, as we all know people, it is really important what a bridal shop owner wears. The shoes and Bag are all important whilst you do not want to end up crippled for life this pales into insignifigance as you must show you can afford this new dress designer by the fact you are wearing ridiculously expensive shoes and your Bag cost the price of a new Fiat Uno.

Anyone that knows me well, will know this is not really my style. I usually spent a week before the show frantically rushing around every store in the city to find something half way decent not so much resembling the look of a Gucci or Dior but affordable and practical. Most years I simply ended up wearing much the same outfit as I did the year before and I am pretty sure no one ever noticed.

As you walked down the aisles you had to try not to give eye contact to the stall holders in case you are pulled into their stand and have to smile and compliment them on their hiddeous creations whilst trying to make an excuse for why you couldn't purchase from them. When you finally find dresses that will compliment your already massive collection which you "just have to have" nine times out of ten you find the shop round the corner has smugly beaten you to it and ordered ten minutes earlier “DAMN AND BLAST”.

Hair dishevelled and blisters on foot you throw yourself on the nearest chair eating a very stale cheese sandwich which cost £10 and a warm flat fizzy drink which still proceeds to repeat on you all afternoon. Then slightly dishevelled you walk past endless models, waifs smugly prancing down the aisles in size 4 dresses. Even though you are the customer and your spending is paying their wages you tend to feel so insignificant and extremely overweight and unworthy.

Adding up your orders to find you have spent the price of a luxury holiday home in Florida even after promising yourself that this year you would'nt so that by the end you feel as if in the final round with Mike Tyson. You cancel the nights stay in the B&B down the road because the idea of sitting at the Bridal Awards with all those waifs in your size 18 evening frock makes you shudder. So you drive all the way back home and flop onto your sofa still in shock.

The bridal industry like most of the fashion industry is somewhat like the acting profession. You see lots of fake smiles and there are always kisses on both cheeks and gushes of loveliness. What your customers never see is the behind the scenes "dog eat dog" first come first served race against time to get the Designers you want before your competition. You smile and pass pleasantries at the owner of the shop down the road as she passes you in the aisles (always looking much more elegant in her Prada and Jimmy choo’s) but if she dares to drop in on my Designers stands I will rugby tackle her to the floor and knock her out! If a new Designer pops up that season that shows Design promise the stand resembles the first day of the next sale with bridal shop owners pushing and shoving one another out of the way to get to the Designer first to arrange exclusivity.

Designers love their ego's to be stroked and you are expected to say every single dress they design is fantastic even if you wouldn't touch it with a barge pole. Every year they get more expensive and every year they expect you to buy more Dresses to secure their exclusivity, yes exclusivity is all important when spending so much you don't want the shop round the corner selling the same thing.

I had some great Designers, but I spent a lot with them so I suppose I was just as much a great stockists as they were a Designer. That being said choosing them took years and I have made some huge mistakes with new designers in my time... but we will come to that another day!

For some people though the Bridal Exhibition is exciting and frilly and beautiful and lovely and like a pink fairy on top of a cake.. they usually fall into one of two catagories... the ones that are either buying for a major Bridal chain (and therefore are spending someone elses money) or those who work for one of the larger Designers that own a stand at the show and so they are simply there to take orders and look pretty! For those people it is three days of Champagne, laughing, messing about, eating and Parties. Basically, they are Lucky Buggars!