Thought I would add a little post while the YAAAWWWNNN football is on.
Another of our brides and their funny little ways ......
The Timid ones..
Big Brother, The X Factor.. TOWIE! we are surounded constantly with TV shows of teenagers and twenty somethings desperate for media attention in an attempt to get their "Fifteen minutes of fame" and will do anything outragous to get it. So we presume everyone has so much confidence these days they can stand on a table and sing FAME! at the top of their voices. So when you have a Timid customer of course we tried to be patient but you do tend to think to yourself "are you frickin kiddin me?" not only is it dificult to get any articulate word from their lips they also look in absolute horror and disgust when you ask them to remove their clothes before trying on a dress
Bride - “What! you mean I have to take off my trousers aswell?”
“Are you intending on wearing your Boot legs under your wedding dress on the day?”
Do they think I haven’t seen it all before? Sometimes you feel like Hattie Jacques as the superior Ward Sister in Carry on Nurse, standing with hands on hips rolling eyes stomping of foot shouting "come on I haven't got all day".
I watched rather amused as a bride put her trousers in her teeth to shield herself throwing a dress up in the air to catch it before the trousers drop to display horror of horrors her knees, ankles or other risqué areas. I am not sure what they think excites us bridal shop owners but I can assure you I am not the least bit interested in what a bride has on under her M & S cardigan and Green Corduroy trousers.
Our job is to get you in and out of the dress and I don’t care how shy you are you cannot button up fifteen buttons and lace an inner corset on your own, well unless you are a circus performer with very weird pivoting limbs. Can I ask how you are going to cope with over one hundred guests staring at you as you walk down the aisle? I mean if you cannot stand having one woman assist you with your dress you’re in serious trouble dear, and what about the wedding night?
I have been subjected to the G-string horror or even worse (and I'm not kidding here folks) the bride without underwear at all! so I am sure I can live with anything after that.... nothing shocks me now, not even green corduroy.
These girls are also extremely difficult to get any sort of reaction from so much is their shyness they cannot muster a reaction to anything.
“How do you feel in that one then?” I ask cheerily
“ok” they answer blankly.
Now I am not a rude person but quite frankly they get on my tits! how am I supposed to know what to try on next if I don’t get a proper answer? It seems such a stressful enough episode to put one single dress on for them so surely giving me some input to avoid dresses they don't like would be constructive don't ya think?
I sometimes answered with “well your wedding dress should not be just “ok” so its obviously not the one for you then is it?” a very good tactic if you want the girl to get out of the bloody thing quick sharpish and stop messing about. Often, however, you are met with the reply “well I think I like it” can you tell me how someone can “think” they like something? my god! either you do or you don’t. Its not a chocolate biscuit or a subway sandwich it’s your wedding dress! do you really want to look back in twenty years at your photographs and say “oh yes dear remember our wedding and my dress I “sort” of liked”.... how romantic!
It is sometimes like being in a sci-fi episode “Attack of the Cyborg Bride”. I mean, honestly …. I am sorry to ask it but, what man is marrying this person? Has he had a frontal lobotomy too? you can image them sat at home on a weekend watching Heartbeat or Last of the Summer Wine together whilst knitting Angora Jumpers, Air fixing RAF Planes and Finishing that 5000 piece Jigsaw they started when they got engaged 10 years ago occasionally glancing over at one another smiling whilst slurping a cup a soup.
Saturday, 12 June 2010
Sunday, 9 May 2010
Paying for your wedding can be very inconvenient.
Get some money back after the wedding bride.
We don’t have this often and whilst not trying to give anyone ideas this one really takes the biscuit. Obviously the visa bill must arrive after the honeymoon, which must cause nervous breakdowns. With the knowledge that Marks and Spencer accept returns maybe a wedding shop would do the same?
Prising pearls of the delicate tiara the bride returns from her sun kissed holiday in the Seychelles tiara in hand claiming they simply fell off in her hand before she had gone down the aisle. She said the trauma of this event nearly ruined the entire wedding and with this in mind I should not only give her a full refund for the offending item but also give her some recompense for the distress and “horror” it caused. On inspecting the item I notice the “peach blossom” nail polish left from the forcibly removed pearls and point this out to the bride “that’s strange don’t know how that got their” she squirms. Smiling I sympathise and reply I will of course look into the matter after I have received a wedding photograph showing the item without the pearls. Funnily enough I never hear from her again couldn’t have been that traumatic then.
I receive another letter this time from Bride S, she has lost her ribbon that laces up her corset and I must of forgotten to put it in to the bag and so she wants compensation for the …wait for it… “Horror!” that it has caused. She did actually use another ribbon but this was not the point the hours of work we spent on the dress when she lost five inches is forgettable in comparison to her credit card bill. I politely decline from paying her “horror” compensation but ask her to send me the name and address of the place she was dressed at to see exactly how long it took to sort out her dilemma. Funnily enough I didn’t hear from her at all either although, I wasn’t surprised because my super detective work leads me the believe that if she was claiming from us she would be claiming from everyone else that offered a wedding service and I’ll bet the reception rooms were in the middle of a “horror” letter too.
Weeks later I see a "horror" and "distraught" stricken bride and her husband whisking along the Yorkshire roads in a brand new Mercedes convertible laughing away in total bliss. Then months later I receive a call from her Mother in Law asking to bring her other daughter in law to be as we are “wonderful” and made the wedding of Bride S “such a pleasure” which was quite strange as Bride S claimed in her letter that everyone knew the “horror” we had caused her included the aforementioned Mother in Law. So how then could we know be considered “wonderful”. Strange indeed!
We don’t have this often and whilst not trying to give anyone ideas this one really takes the biscuit. Obviously the visa bill must arrive after the honeymoon, which must cause nervous breakdowns. With the knowledge that Marks and Spencer accept returns maybe a wedding shop would do the same?
Prising pearls of the delicate tiara the bride returns from her sun kissed holiday in the Seychelles tiara in hand claiming they simply fell off in her hand before she had gone down the aisle. She said the trauma of this event nearly ruined the entire wedding and with this in mind I should not only give her a full refund for the offending item but also give her some recompense for the distress and “horror” it caused. On inspecting the item I notice the “peach blossom” nail polish left from the forcibly removed pearls and point this out to the bride “that’s strange don’t know how that got their” she squirms. Smiling I sympathise and reply I will of course look into the matter after I have received a wedding photograph showing the item without the pearls. Funnily enough I never hear from her again couldn’t have been that traumatic then.
I receive another letter this time from Bride S, she has lost her ribbon that laces up her corset and I must of forgotten to put it in to the bag and so she wants compensation for the …wait for it… “Horror!” that it has caused. She did actually use another ribbon but this was not the point the hours of work we spent on the dress when she lost five inches is forgettable in comparison to her credit card bill. I politely decline from paying her “horror” compensation but ask her to send me the name and address of the place she was dressed at to see exactly how long it took to sort out her dilemma. Funnily enough I didn’t hear from her at all either although, I wasn’t surprised because my super detective work leads me the believe that if she was claiming from us she would be claiming from everyone else that offered a wedding service and I’ll bet the reception rooms were in the middle of a “horror” letter too.
Weeks later I see a "horror" and "distraught" stricken bride and her husband whisking along the Yorkshire roads in a brand new Mercedes convertible laughing away in total bliss. Then months later I receive a call from her Mother in Law asking to bring her other daughter in law to be as we are “wonderful” and made the wedding of Bride S “such a pleasure” which was quite strange as Bride S claimed in her letter that everyone knew the “horror” we had caused her included the aforementioned Mother in Law. So how then could we know be considered “wonderful”. Strange indeed!
Saturday, 8 May 2010
The Saturday Worker
Hello there people! well it is a Saturday night and there is nothing on telly at all so I thought I would add some of my infinite wisdom to my blog. To re-cap we were chit chatting about all the goings on in my wedding shop over the years which I thankfully no longer have to suffer. We have come to the Saturday "worker". The word "Worker" is used loosely here....
The Saturday worker
This one deserves a chapter all of its own. It’s rather difficult to hire a Saturday worker but essential in this business because your time spent backwards and forward from one room to another with countless veils, tiaras and shoes make Saturdays a living hell. “Oh I wanted a full veil… no maybe not, what about mid length… now what about a tiara…. Do you have any shoes” for god’s sake you are only trying on a wedding dress and your wedding isn’t until 2018!!
So the Saturday girl is all-important however, there are various stumbling blocks along the way. For instance getting the right Saturday girl, she must be
a) Not too vertically challenged as she must be able to reach the rails for the dresses without showing all her midriff with compulsory bellybutton piercing and tattoo.
b) Not too clarty with makeup, which at the teenage years is, a massive hurdle but ivory dresses don’t especially look favourable with luminous blue lipstick and body glitter strewn across the front.
c) Being able to string a sentence together is also invaluable “yes madam can I help you” all too often is replaced with “what” or even just a shrug of shoulders.
d) Trustworthiness is also a plus point as your stationery cupboard supplies seem to reduce at an alarming rate not to mention the crystals and pearls collection for beading dresses.
e) And of course the all-important cleaning skills, if they don’t know their Window Cleaner from their nail polish remover you may as well forget it.
I tend to find myself following the Saturday girl round either re-cleaning the lethargically polished windows or removing her from the heater with hands on hips and attempting to awaken her from her dream like state into action reminding her that the waiting area sofa is for the customers not her. Apparently being 35+ years of age I am “from the arc” and schooling has changed so much since I frequented it. You simply cannot take £1.32 from £10.32 without a calculator, as it’s not fair to your Saturday worker to make them work out complicated sums like that in their head.
Spelling too is a stumbling block do you spell Wedding with one D or two? Of course I don’t mind answering questions such as “what does seamstress mean?” but does it take much brain to realise that you pick up a dress when you carry it rather than stomping footprints into the train and maybe putting a veil back onto the hook on the wall when its still fast under her size 7 shoe might prove difficult.
Answering the phone can be a stumbling block “yes” usually replaces “good afternoon can I help you” and “can you wait a bit” apparently suffices instead of “if you could hold the line I will check that for you”. My favourite is when she shouts my first name bellowing, “I don't understand what this woman is talking about” while the customer is still on the other end listening to every word, priceless.
You see the difficulty is that these teenagers think that it would be really cool to work in a bridal shop. What they don’t realise is it is actually hard work so usually after about four weeks they have resigned. They also think it really cool to bring their friends in during their lunch break to finger through the dresses and try on the tiaras or stroll in half a hour late because they are so tired from being on facebook or texting Chantelle that previous night. And when you have finally got them to do a half decent job they leave because it’s easier to work in Sainsburys.
The Saturday worker
This one deserves a chapter all of its own. It’s rather difficult to hire a Saturday worker but essential in this business because your time spent backwards and forward from one room to another with countless veils, tiaras and shoes make Saturdays a living hell. “Oh I wanted a full veil… no maybe not, what about mid length… now what about a tiara…. Do you have any shoes” for god’s sake you are only trying on a wedding dress and your wedding isn’t until 2018!!
So the Saturday girl is all-important however, there are various stumbling blocks along the way. For instance getting the right Saturday girl, she must be
a) Not too vertically challenged as she must be able to reach the rails for the dresses without showing all her midriff with compulsory bellybutton piercing and tattoo.
b) Not too clarty with makeup, which at the teenage years is, a massive hurdle but ivory dresses don’t especially look favourable with luminous blue lipstick and body glitter strewn across the front.
c) Being able to string a sentence together is also invaluable “yes madam can I help you” all too often is replaced with “what” or even just a shrug of shoulders.
d) Trustworthiness is also a plus point as your stationery cupboard supplies seem to reduce at an alarming rate not to mention the crystals and pearls collection for beading dresses.
e) And of course the all-important cleaning skills, if they don’t know their Window Cleaner from their nail polish remover you may as well forget it.
I tend to find myself following the Saturday girl round either re-cleaning the lethargically polished windows or removing her from the heater with hands on hips and attempting to awaken her from her dream like state into action reminding her that the waiting area sofa is for the customers not her. Apparently being 35+ years of age I am “from the arc” and schooling has changed so much since I frequented it. You simply cannot take £1.32 from £10.32 without a calculator, as it’s not fair to your Saturday worker to make them work out complicated sums like that in their head.
Spelling too is a stumbling block do you spell Wedding with one D or two? Of course I don’t mind answering questions such as “what does seamstress mean?” but does it take much brain to realise that you pick up a dress when you carry it rather than stomping footprints into the train and maybe putting a veil back onto the hook on the wall when its still fast under her size 7 shoe might prove difficult.
Answering the phone can be a stumbling block “yes” usually replaces “good afternoon can I help you” and “can you wait a bit” apparently suffices instead of “if you could hold the line I will check that for you”. My favourite is when she shouts my first name bellowing, “I don't understand what this woman is talking about” while the customer is still on the other end listening to every word, priceless.
You see the difficulty is that these teenagers think that it would be really cool to work in a bridal shop. What they don’t realise is it is actually hard work so usually after about four weeks they have resigned. They also think it really cool to bring their friends in during their lunch break to finger through the dresses and try on the tiaras or stroll in half a hour late because they are so tired from being on facebook or texting Chantelle that previous night. And when you have finally got them to do a half decent job they leave because it’s easier to work in Sainsburys.
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