Thought I would add a little post while the YAAAWWWNNN football is on.
Another of our brides and their funny little ways ......
The Timid ones..
Big Brother, The X Factor.. TOWIE! we are surounded constantly with TV shows of teenagers and twenty somethings desperate for media attention in an attempt to get their "Fifteen minutes of fame" and will do anything outragous to get it. So we presume everyone has so much confidence these days they can stand on a table and sing FAME! at the top of their voices. So when you have a Timid customer of course we tried to be patient but you do tend to think to yourself "are you frickin kiddin me?" not only is it dificult to get any articulate word from their lips they also look in absolute horror and disgust when you ask them to remove their clothes before trying on a dress
Bride - “What! you mean I have to take off my trousers aswell?”
“Are you intending on wearing your Boot legs under your wedding dress on the day?”
Do they think I haven’t seen it all before? Sometimes you feel like Hattie Jacques as the superior Ward Sister in Carry on Nurse, standing with hands on hips rolling eyes stomping of foot shouting "come on I haven't got all day".
I watched rather amused as a bride put her trousers in her teeth to shield herself throwing a dress up in the air to catch it before the trousers drop to display horror of horrors her knees, ankles or other risqué areas. I am not sure what they think excites us bridal shop owners but I can assure you I am not the least bit interested in what a bride has on under her M & S cardigan and Green Corduroy trousers.
Our job is to get you in and out of the dress and I don’t care how shy you are you cannot button up fifteen buttons and lace an inner corset on your own, well unless you are a circus performer with very weird pivoting limbs. Can I ask how you are going to cope with over one hundred guests staring at you as you walk down the aisle? I mean if you cannot stand having one woman assist you with your dress you’re in serious trouble dear, and what about the wedding night?
I have been subjected to the G-string horror or even worse (and I'm not kidding here folks) the bride without underwear at all! so I am sure I can live with anything after that.... nothing shocks me now, not even green corduroy.
These girls are also extremely difficult to get any sort of reaction from so much is their shyness they cannot muster a reaction to anything.
“How do you feel in that one then?” I ask cheerily
“ok” they answer blankly.
Now I am not a rude person but quite frankly they get on my tits! how am I supposed to know what to try on next if I don’t get a proper answer? It seems such a stressful enough episode to put one single dress on for them so surely giving me some input to avoid dresses they don't like would be constructive don't ya think?
I sometimes answered with “well your wedding dress should not be just “ok” so its obviously not the one for you then is it?” a very good tactic if you want the girl to get out of the bloody thing quick sharpish and stop messing about. Often, however, you are met with the reply “well I think I like it” can you tell me how someone can “think” they like something? my god! either you do or you don’t. Its not a chocolate biscuit or a subway sandwich it’s your wedding dress! do you really want to look back in twenty years at your photographs and say “oh yes dear remember our wedding and my dress I “sort” of liked”.... how romantic!
It is sometimes like being in a sci-fi episode “Attack of the Cyborg Bride”. I mean, honestly …. I am sorry to ask it but, what man is marrying this person? Has he had a frontal lobotomy too? you can image them sat at home on a weekend watching Heartbeat or Last of the Summer Wine together whilst knitting Angora Jumpers, Air fixing RAF Planes and Finishing that 5000 piece Jigsaw they started when they got engaged 10 years ago occasionally glancing over at one another smiling whilst slurping a cup a soup.
Saturday, 12 June 2010
Sunday, 9 May 2010
Paying for your wedding can be very inconvenient.
Get some money back after the wedding bride.
We don’t have this often and whilst not trying to give anyone ideas this one really takes the biscuit. Obviously the visa bill must arrive after the honeymoon, which must cause nervous breakdowns. With the knowledge that Marks and Spencer accept returns maybe a wedding shop would do the same?
Prising pearls of the delicate tiara the bride returns from her sun kissed holiday in the Seychelles tiara in hand claiming they simply fell off in her hand before she had gone down the aisle. She said the trauma of this event nearly ruined the entire wedding and with this in mind I should not only give her a full refund for the offending item but also give her some recompense for the distress and “horror” it caused. On inspecting the item I notice the “peach blossom” nail polish left from the forcibly removed pearls and point this out to the bride “that’s strange don’t know how that got their” she squirms. Smiling I sympathise and reply I will of course look into the matter after I have received a wedding photograph showing the item without the pearls. Funnily enough I never hear from her again couldn’t have been that traumatic then.
I receive another letter this time from Bride S, she has lost her ribbon that laces up her corset and I must of forgotten to put it in to the bag and so she wants compensation for the …wait for it… “Horror!” that it has caused. She did actually use another ribbon but this was not the point the hours of work we spent on the dress when she lost five inches is forgettable in comparison to her credit card bill. I politely decline from paying her “horror” compensation but ask her to send me the name and address of the place she was dressed at to see exactly how long it took to sort out her dilemma. Funnily enough I didn’t hear from her at all either although, I wasn’t surprised because my super detective work leads me the believe that if she was claiming from us she would be claiming from everyone else that offered a wedding service and I’ll bet the reception rooms were in the middle of a “horror” letter too.
Weeks later I see a "horror" and "distraught" stricken bride and her husband whisking along the Yorkshire roads in a brand new Mercedes convertible laughing away in total bliss. Then months later I receive a call from her Mother in Law asking to bring her other daughter in law to be as we are “wonderful” and made the wedding of Bride S “such a pleasure” which was quite strange as Bride S claimed in her letter that everyone knew the “horror” we had caused her included the aforementioned Mother in Law. So how then could we know be considered “wonderful”. Strange indeed!
We don’t have this often and whilst not trying to give anyone ideas this one really takes the biscuit. Obviously the visa bill must arrive after the honeymoon, which must cause nervous breakdowns. With the knowledge that Marks and Spencer accept returns maybe a wedding shop would do the same?
Prising pearls of the delicate tiara the bride returns from her sun kissed holiday in the Seychelles tiara in hand claiming they simply fell off in her hand before she had gone down the aisle. She said the trauma of this event nearly ruined the entire wedding and with this in mind I should not only give her a full refund for the offending item but also give her some recompense for the distress and “horror” it caused. On inspecting the item I notice the “peach blossom” nail polish left from the forcibly removed pearls and point this out to the bride “that’s strange don’t know how that got their” she squirms. Smiling I sympathise and reply I will of course look into the matter after I have received a wedding photograph showing the item without the pearls. Funnily enough I never hear from her again couldn’t have been that traumatic then.
I receive another letter this time from Bride S, she has lost her ribbon that laces up her corset and I must of forgotten to put it in to the bag and so she wants compensation for the …wait for it… “Horror!” that it has caused. She did actually use another ribbon but this was not the point the hours of work we spent on the dress when she lost five inches is forgettable in comparison to her credit card bill. I politely decline from paying her “horror” compensation but ask her to send me the name and address of the place she was dressed at to see exactly how long it took to sort out her dilemma. Funnily enough I didn’t hear from her at all either although, I wasn’t surprised because my super detective work leads me the believe that if she was claiming from us she would be claiming from everyone else that offered a wedding service and I’ll bet the reception rooms were in the middle of a “horror” letter too.
Weeks later I see a "horror" and "distraught" stricken bride and her husband whisking along the Yorkshire roads in a brand new Mercedes convertible laughing away in total bliss. Then months later I receive a call from her Mother in Law asking to bring her other daughter in law to be as we are “wonderful” and made the wedding of Bride S “such a pleasure” which was quite strange as Bride S claimed in her letter that everyone knew the “horror” we had caused her included the aforementioned Mother in Law. So how then could we know be considered “wonderful”. Strange indeed!
Saturday, 8 May 2010
The Saturday Worker
Hello there people! well it is a Saturday night and there is nothing on telly at all so I thought I would add some of my infinite wisdom to my blog. To re-cap we were chit chatting about all the goings on in my wedding shop over the years which I thankfully no longer have to suffer. We have come to the Saturday "worker". The word "Worker" is used loosely here....
The Saturday worker
This one deserves a chapter all of its own. It’s rather difficult to hire a Saturday worker but essential in this business because your time spent backwards and forward from one room to another with countless veils, tiaras and shoes make Saturdays a living hell. “Oh I wanted a full veil… no maybe not, what about mid length… now what about a tiara…. Do you have any shoes” for god’s sake you are only trying on a wedding dress and your wedding isn’t until 2018!!
So the Saturday girl is all-important however, there are various stumbling blocks along the way. For instance getting the right Saturday girl, she must be
a) Not too vertically challenged as she must be able to reach the rails for the dresses without showing all her midriff with compulsory bellybutton piercing and tattoo.
b) Not too clarty with makeup, which at the teenage years is, a massive hurdle but ivory dresses don’t especially look favourable with luminous blue lipstick and body glitter strewn across the front.
c) Being able to string a sentence together is also invaluable “yes madam can I help you” all too often is replaced with “what” or even just a shrug of shoulders.
d) Trustworthiness is also a plus point as your stationery cupboard supplies seem to reduce at an alarming rate not to mention the crystals and pearls collection for beading dresses.
e) And of course the all-important cleaning skills, if they don’t know their Window Cleaner from their nail polish remover you may as well forget it.
I tend to find myself following the Saturday girl round either re-cleaning the lethargically polished windows or removing her from the heater with hands on hips and attempting to awaken her from her dream like state into action reminding her that the waiting area sofa is for the customers not her. Apparently being 35+ years of age I am “from the arc” and schooling has changed so much since I frequented it. You simply cannot take £1.32 from £10.32 without a calculator, as it’s not fair to your Saturday worker to make them work out complicated sums like that in their head.
Spelling too is a stumbling block do you spell Wedding with one D or two? Of course I don’t mind answering questions such as “what does seamstress mean?” but does it take much brain to realise that you pick up a dress when you carry it rather than stomping footprints into the train and maybe putting a veil back onto the hook on the wall when its still fast under her size 7 shoe might prove difficult.
Answering the phone can be a stumbling block “yes” usually replaces “good afternoon can I help you” and “can you wait a bit” apparently suffices instead of “if you could hold the line I will check that for you”. My favourite is when she shouts my first name bellowing, “I don't understand what this woman is talking about” while the customer is still on the other end listening to every word, priceless.
You see the difficulty is that these teenagers think that it would be really cool to work in a bridal shop. What they don’t realise is it is actually hard work so usually after about four weeks they have resigned. They also think it really cool to bring their friends in during their lunch break to finger through the dresses and try on the tiaras or stroll in half a hour late because they are so tired from being on facebook or texting Chantelle that previous night. And when you have finally got them to do a half decent job they leave because it’s easier to work in Sainsburys.
The Saturday worker
This one deserves a chapter all of its own. It’s rather difficult to hire a Saturday worker but essential in this business because your time spent backwards and forward from one room to another with countless veils, tiaras and shoes make Saturdays a living hell. “Oh I wanted a full veil… no maybe not, what about mid length… now what about a tiara…. Do you have any shoes” for god’s sake you are only trying on a wedding dress and your wedding isn’t until 2018!!
So the Saturday girl is all-important however, there are various stumbling blocks along the way. For instance getting the right Saturday girl, she must be
a) Not too vertically challenged as she must be able to reach the rails for the dresses without showing all her midriff with compulsory bellybutton piercing and tattoo.
b) Not too clarty with makeup, which at the teenage years is, a massive hurdle but ivory dresses don’t especially look favourable with luminous blue lipstick and body glitter strewn across the front.
c) Being able to string a sentence together is also invaluable “yes madam can I help you” all too often is replaced with “what” or even just a shrug of shoulders.
d) Trustworthiness is also a plus point as your stationery cupboard supplies seem to reduce at an alarming rate not to mention the crystals and pearls collection for beading dresses.
e) And of course the all-important cleaning skills, if they don’t know their Window Cleaner from their nail polish remover you may as well forget it.
I tend to find myself following the Saturday girl round either re-cleaning the lethargically polished windows or removing her from the heater with hands on hips and attempting to awaken her from her dream like state into action reminding her that the waiting area sofa is for the customers not her. Apparently being 35+ years of age I am “from the arc” and schooling has changed so much since I frequented it. You simply cannot take £1.32 from £10.32 without a calculator, as it’s not fair to your Saturday worker to make them work out complicated sums like that in their head.
Spelling too is a stumbling block do you spell Wedding with one D or two? Of course I don’t mind answering questions such as “what does seamstress mean?” but does it take much brain to realise that you pick up a dress when you carry it rather than stomping footprints into the train and maybe putting a veil back onto the hook on the wall when its still fast under her size 7 shoe might prove difficult.
Answering the phone can be a stumbling block “yes” usually replaces “good afternoon can I help you” and “can you wait a bit” apparently suffices instead of “if you could hold the line I will check that for you”. My favourite is when she shouts my first name bellowing, “I don't understand what this woman is talking about” while the customer is still on the other end listening to every word, priceless.
You see the difficulty is that these teenagers think that it would be really cool to work in a bridal shop. What they don’t realise is it is actually hard work so usually after about four weeks they have resigned. They also think it really cool to bring their friends in during their lunch break to finger through the dresses and try on the tiaras or stroll in half a hour late because they are so tired from being on facebook or texting Chantelle that previous night. And when you have finally got them to do a half decent job they leave because it’s easier to work in Sainsburys.
Sunday, 15 November 2009
Designers - from Buff to Duff and even Duffer!
Hello Peeps it's been a while so I thought I would gabble on for a bit. Watched the X-Factor last night and noticed that one of our fabulous friends Suzanne Neville had designed one of the dresses again.. she is really becoming a regular on that show and never fails to make the girlies look great!
She was one of the first Designers I chose for the shop when I first started out and was with me to the end. She was one of our more successful stories however, as we have spent many thousands of pounds on what we thought would be great collections only to find out they were complete and utter duffers...
Lucky for me this didn’t happen very often but when it did it usually resulted in a showdown of massive proportions between me and the Designer in question. Designers usually spend a lot of time with people who kiss them on both cheeks and for ever gush at them at how wonderfully superior they are until they believe it to indeed, be totally true and find it hard to get their ever exanding heads through the normal sized doors.
In the early days Designers used to be so lovely to their customers, the bridal shop owner. We would be welcomed open armed to a lovely comfy chair with a glass of champagne, offer of a free lunch or at least some luxurious chocolates and before we left given some lovely thank you gesture of a designer item or suchlike. Nowadays you are lucky if you get a plastic chair, beaker of tap water and an extra strong mint for the £20k a season you spend! and when we closed our doors only one of our Designers wished us luck for the future even though we had spent literally hundreds of thousands of pounds with all of them.
We decided at one bridal exhibition show to add another designer, something different we said, something we didn’t have. Straight away this was our downfall, as if you don’t have it, more often or not, you don’t need it and the bride doesnt want it! Quite an expensive lesson to learn but that was not the least of our worries.
We order thousands of pounds worth of her designs which looked fantastic at the show. Her embroidery was equisite and the dresses looked amazing on her model Natalie. They arrived and looked great on the rail but once we started trying them on the brides we found, our best attempts of persuasion could not get them to look right and on close inspection one dress had the bust dart one inch from the shoulder (no I am not kidding). Trying our best to explain to Brides to be how it would look if it fit them by unzipping the back and pulling the dress down then up then down again.
Hmmm we thought this cannot be right so we contacted the designer who, very disgruntled and rudely said “obviously you cannot sell or this would not pose a problem!” as you see we are expected to say to anyone who tries the dresses on “well if its made correctly it will look like this” in our opinion not a great sales technique.
She couldn’t understand our amazement when she actually admitted all her dresses were not in fact a standard dress size 12 or cut from a dress makers dummy but cut from her sales assistant Natalie who, in her opinion, was the best way to cut a dress. So, as you can image if Natalie has a great night out one Saturday drinking excessive amounts of alcohol and a chicken madras and several onion bargis heaven help the shop that gets their samples that week!
Finally we managed to get someone to order a dress hurrah! After all, she did offer a made to measure service complete with Toile fitting (supposedly cut to exact body shape). The problem was that this designer who appeared to be extremely good when we ordered the samples had absolutely no bloody idea when it came to ordering for the customer.
The Bride stood in her dress looking herself up and down in the mirror. I looked at her, turned my head to one side then the other... and whispered to my seamstress "is it me or is that embroidery crooked?" on closer inspection the intricate embroidered centre panel was obviously created by Natalie after on of her Saturday nights on the booze as it was half inch from the left seam but two inches from the right! explaining to the designer that the bride wanted to neither walk slanted down the aisle or photoshop all her wedding pictures could she put it right.
Next the dress went back because the boning cut through the dress into the skin of our poor bride and as we don't usually like our brides to bleed to death at the altar could she do the job properly! In the end, we pretty much re-made the dress ourselves to get the fit right and corsetry to the standard we expected. In the end we remade all her samples to fit perfectly and sold them off cheaply to get rid, easier in the long run we thought and totally glad to see the back of this poor excuse for a designer.
Other problems that can arise are not receiving the dress at all! This one is slightly more stressful as you can sort out wonky embroidery but there is not a lot you can do if the dress isn’t even there. Although we feel sorry for those companies that go under we can't understand why they continue to take orders knowing full well that they will not honour them. Whilst this had never happened to us we had a Designer that gave us a few sleepless nights.
We decided to be much more careful chosing the new range, this time checking out the competition, asking all the right questions like, how long is ordering time? where are the dresses made? Can you sew? Do you have an assistant called Natalie? All the answers seemed ok so we went ahead and ordered a collection.
It took four months for the collection to arrive, after which we noticed a destinct lact of any advertising or even a website from the Designer not a good sign when you want Brides to see the range to want to try it on and not a good sign when you consider the first thing to depreciate when a business is struggling is their advertising budget. Assurances were given that her new re-vamped business would give us more coverage, more advertising and more orders. Months went by then, a year later, just before the next Bridal show the website was uploaded (what a coincidence).
Deciding to drop this dead weight before it caused us a major meltdown was probably the best decision as the only dress ordered for a bride didn’t arrive til about four days before the wedding after we had threatened to visit her shop in London. Before this we telephoned despatch who said “I don’t know what’s happening” then we were told “its on its way” then “no it hasn’t even been despatched yet” then “its stuck in customs”. When the dress arrived and we managed to get all our work done and ready before the wedding date minus a few marbles in our heads and to the relief of the bride. The company closed down the following season leaving many brides (from other shops) without their dresses. After this fiasco we refused to deal with any designer who manufactured their gowns anywhere else than the UK.
So brides please remember when a bridal shop tells you they need to allow arrival time as well as ordering time don’t shrug it off or mess about for weeks before ordering listen and learn ladies the more time is always the better.
Now I must say before I finish on this subject for every really bad supplier there are at least ten really great ones. The designers we had year in and year out were brilliant they were rarely late and always told you what’s happening and never cut a dress from a sales assistant called Natalie. If a dress was ever wrong (which was rare) it’s sorted and back. They take pride in their work and although they do kiss on both cheeks and sometimes have huge ego's they know their stuff.
She was one of the first Designers I chose for the shop when I first started out and was with me to the end. She was one of our more successful stories however, as we have spent many thousands of pounds on what we thought would be great collections only to find out they were complete and utter duffers...
Lucky for me this didn’t happen very often but when it did it usually resulted in a showdown of massive proportions between me and the Designer in question. Designers usually spend a lot of time with people who kiss them on both cheeks and for ever gush at them at how wonderfully superior they are until they believe it to indeed, be totally true and find it hard to get their ever exanding heads through the normal sized doors.
In the early days Designers used to be so lovely to their customers, the bridal shop owner. We would be welcomed open armed to a lovely comfy chair with a glass of champagne, offer of a free lunch or at least some luxurious chocolates and before we left given some lovely thank you gesture of a designer item or suchlike. Nowadays you are lucky if you get a plastic chair, beaker of tap water and an extra strong mint for the £20k a season you spend! and when we closed our doors only one of our Designers wished us luck for the future even though we had spent literally hundreds of thousands of pounds with all of them.
We decided at one bridal exhibition show to add another designer, something different we said, something we didn’t have. Straight away this was our downfall, as if you don’t have it, more often or not, you don’t need it and the bride doesnt want it! Quite an expensive lesson to learn but that was not the least of our worries.
We order thousands of pounds worth of her designs which looked fantastic at the show. Her embroidery was equisite and the dresses looked amazing on her model Natalie. They arrived and looked great on the rail but once we started trying them on the brides we found, our best attempts of persuasion could not get them to look right and on close inspection one dress had the bust dart one inch from the shoulder (no I am not kidding). Trying our best to explain to Brides to be how it would look if it fit them by unzipping the back and pulling the dress down then up then down again.
Hmmm we thought this cannot be right so we contacted the designer who, very disgruntled and rudely said “obviously you cannot sell or this would not pose a problem!” as you see we are expected to say to anyone who tries the dresses on “well if its made correctly it will look like this” in our opinion not a great sales technique.
She couldn’t understand our amazement when she actually admitted all her dresses were not in fact a standard dress size 12 or cut from a dress makers dummy but cut from her sales assistant Natalie who, in her opinion, was the best way to cut a dress. So, as you can image if Natalie has a great night out one Saturday drinking excessive amounts of alcohol and a chicken madras and several onion bargis heaven help the shop that gets their samples that week!
Finally we managed to get someone to order a dress hurrah! After all, she did offer a made to measure service complete with Toile fitting (supposedly cut to exact body shape). The problem was that this designer who appeared to be extremely good when we ordered the samples had absolutely no bloody idea when it came to ordering for the customer.
The Bride stood in her dress looking herself up and down in the mirror. I looked at her, turned my head to one side then the other... and whispered to my seamstress "is it me or is that embroidery crooked?" on closer inspection the intricate embroidered centre panel was obviously created by Natalie after on of her Saturday nights on the booze as it was half inch from the left seam but two inches from the right! explaining to the designer that the bride wanted to neither walk slanted down the aisle or photoshop all her wedding pictures could she put it right.
Next the dress went back because the boning cut through the dress into the skin of our poor bride and as we don't usually like our brides to bleed to death at the altar could she do the job properly! In the end, we pretty much re-made the dress ourselves to get the fit right and corsetry to the standard we expected. In the end we remade all her samples to fit perfectly and sold them off cheaply to get rid, easier in the long run we thought and totally glad to see the back of this poor excuse for a designer.
Other problems that can arise are not receiving the dress at all! This one is slightly more stressful as you can sort out wonky embroidery but there is not a lot you can do if the dress isn’t even there. Although we feel sorry for those companies that go under we can't understand why they continue to take orders knowing full well that they will not honour them. Whilst this had never happened to us we had a Designer that gave us a few sleepless nights.
We decided to be much more careful chosing the new range, this time checking out the competition, asking all the right questions like, how long is ordering time? where are the dresses made? Can you sew? Do you have an assistant called Natalie? All the answers seemed ok so we went ahead and ordered a collection.
It took four months for the collection to arrive, after which we noticed a destinct lact of any advertising or even a website from the Designer not a good sign when you want Brides to see the range to want to try it on and not a good sign when you consider the first thing to depreciate when a business is struggling is their advertising budget. Assurances were given that her new re-vamped business would give us more coverage, more advertising and more orders. Months went by then, a year later, just before the next Bridal show the website was uploaded (what a coincidence).
Deciding to drop this dead weight before it caused us a major meltdown was probably the best decision as the only dress ordered for a bride didn’t arrive til about four days before the wedding after we had threatened to visit her shop in London. Before this we telephoned despatch who said “I don’t know what’s happening” then we were told “its on its way” then “no it hasn’t even been despatched yet” then “its stuck in customs”. When the dress arrived and we managed to get all our work done and ready before the wedding date minus a few marbles in our heads and to the relief of the bride. The company closed down the following season leaving many brides (from other shops) without their dresses. After this fiasco we refused to deal with any designer who manufactured their gowns anywhere else than the UK.
So brides please remember when a bridal shop tells you they need to allow arrival time as well as ordering time don’t shrug it off or mess about for weeks before ordering listen and learn ladies the more time is always the better.
Now I must say before I finish on this subject for every really bad supplier there are at least ten really great ones. The designers we had year in and year out were brilliant they were rarely late and always told you what’s happening and never cut a dress from a sales assistant called Natalie. If a dress was ever wrong (which was rare) it’s sorted and back. They take pride in their work and although they do kiss on both cheeks and sometimes have huge ego's they know their stuff.
Friday, 25 September 2009
The Psycho Obsessive Bride.
You can guarantee on the rare occasion you decide to take a day off the answer phone and email fills to capacity. Most messages are from our psycho obsessive brides wanting to check if they can wear a 2” heel with their dress. Other pressing and very important questions are what underwear should I wear with my dress? normal and quite sensible questions you say? well yes but not really so urgent about twelve months before the wedding! Can you image I call a top London designer who is dealing with maybe 200 dresses to ask which pair of knickers Miss C should wear with her dress.
These ladies also ring us about six months before their wedding date asking us to contact the designer to find out how their dress is doing? I tend not to ring the Designer to ask as they would probably reply “its over there in that roll of uncut fabric”. So sometimes we have to use our initiative to avoid POB going "off on one". “Oh I was just speaking to the designer about your dress” is a good one or “she is working on it as we speak” usually covers it.
When a bride orders her dress twelve months before the wedding and we smile and gush as she leaves the shop advising that we will look forward to seeing her soon. We usually, however, expect the “soon” to be when the dress arrives and not two days later. Some Brides call us every bloody week from “can I just check my fabric again” to “can I bring my underwear to check it for colour match”.
So we try to get the dresses in two months before the wedding. Eight weeks, you would think, would be long enough for even a Royal Wedding arranged in monstrous proportions? Well no in fact its not and many brides call us three weeks before this screaming at us where is her dress. When we reply it will be here in three weeks they claim that it is simply not enough time. So we receive three to four calls a week from the bride from hell until the deadline arrives along with the dress on time as usual. The bride upon hearing this wonderful news responds “about bloody time” then states "she is far too busy to come this week but there is no rush is there" and "can she have an appointment at 7pm because she has taken all her leave allowance for the honeymoon" or "I can't make it to the shop do you offer home fittings?". And where does this bride live in location to the shop? California? Siberia? No two minutes walk away not even a car journey.
We then spend the next seven weeks up to collection on the phone discussing veil colours and tiara heights. Can I also point out at this point that an ivory dress is ivory so do you really need a swatch of fabric to match up your flowers! And if it’s a white dress I suggest white flowers even without seeing the swatch of fabric would probably be the best way to go. I know attention to detail is all-important but I am pretty sure if your fabric is not quite the same shade as the roses there is not a bloody thing either of us can do about it unless you are the Queen in "Alice in Wonderland" and demand that the roses are painted!
The psycho obsessive bride worries about all eventualities all possible things that could go wrong are taken into account and possible solutions are noted. Hours are spent replying to answer phone messages
1) “what if the bridesmaid stands on the train or veil?” I would love my answer to be "kill the bloody big footed bridesmaid".
2) “What if it rains on the day” oh I will just ring God and tell him to defer that to Sunday it won't be a problem.
3)“How will I dance in the dress?” I don’t bloody care sod off.
They resemble a nervous wreck by collection of the dress and doubt they will remember any of the actual day let alone enjoy it. Why do we put ourselves through so much stress!
These ladies also ring us about six months before their wedding date asking us to contact the designer to find out how their dress is doing? I tend not to ring the Designer to ask as they would probably reply “its over there in that roll of uncut fabric”. So sometimes we have to use our initiative to avoid POB going "off on one". “Oh I was just speaking to the designer about your dress” is a good one or “she is working on it as we speak” usually covers it.
When a bride orders her dress twelve months before the wedding and we smile and gush as she leaves the shop advising that we will look forward to seeing her soon. We usually, however, expect the “soon” to be when the dress arrives and not two days later. Some Brides call us every bloody week from “can I just check my fabric again” to “can I bring my underwear to check it for colour match”.
So we try to get the dresses in two months before the wedding. Eight weeks, you would think, would be long enough for even a Royal Wedding arranged in monstrous proportions? Well no in fact its not and many brides call us three weeks before this screaming at us where is her dress. When we reply it will be here in three weeks they claim that it is simply not enough time. So we receive three to four calls a week from the bride from hell until the deadline arrives along with the dress on time as usual. The bride upon hearing this wonderful news responds “about bloody time” then states "she is far too busy to come this week but there is no rush is there" and "can she have an appointment at 7pm because she has taken all her leave allowance for the honeymoon" or "I can't make it to the shop do you offer home fittings?". And where does this bride live in location to the shop? California? Siberia? No two minutes walk away not even a car journey.
We then spend the next seven weeks up to collection on the phone discussing veil colours and tiara heights. Can I also point out at this point that an ivory dress is ivory so do you really need a swatch of fabric to match up your flowers! And if it’s a white dress I suggest white flowers even without seeing the swatch of fabric would probably be the best way to go. I know attention to detail is all-important but I am pretty sure if your fabric is not quite the same shade as the roses there is not a bloody thing either of us can do about it unless you are the Queen in "Alice in Wonderland" and demand that the roses are painted!
The psycho obsessive bride worries about all eventualities all possible things that could go wrong are taken into account and possible solutions are noted. Hours are spent replying to answer phone messages
1) “what if the bridesmaid stands on the train or veil?” I would love my answer to be "kill the bloody big footed bridesmaid".
2) “What if it rains on the day” oh I will just ring God and tell him to defer that to Sunday it won't be a problem.
3)“How will I dance in the dress?” I don’t bloody care sod off.
They resemble a nervous wreck by collection of the dress and doubt they will remember any of the actual day let alone enjoy it. Why do we put ourselves through so much stress!
Wednesday, 16 September 2009
The Bridal Exhibition
It's the Harrogate Bridal Exhibition (BBEH) for the bridal traders this week, I am smiling in the knowledge I no longer have to suffer it. It did, however bring back some memories of previous visits...
Oh the joy of the Bridal Trade Exhibition where we lovingly walk gracefully around beautiful stands of elegant bridal gowns viewing graceful models in these wonderful creations whilst nodding or swaying a hand to confirm this addition to our collection and sipping glasses of champagne and eating truffles and then retiring to our luxury hotel suite for an evening at the Bridal Awards Dinner...
Er.. No not exactly!
When at the show you pass many other Bridal Shop owners, some of these ladies have been in "the business of wedding" for years and you can spot them a mile off. Mulling through stand after stand polyester white beaded dresses they stand with designer handbag over shoulder always in compulsory gaudy gold colour, i-phone in one hand, palm in the other (ear piece if they want to be really sad) and very sparkly expensive looking jewellery over every finger, wrist and neck (yes they have multiple necks haha) with Bleached Blonde highlights, extensions or even a wig, false nails, fake tan and lots and lots of make-up.
All this is because, as we all know people, it is really important what a bridal shop owner wears. The shoes and Bag are all important whilst you do not want to end up crippled for life this pales into insignifigance as you must show you can afford this new dress designer by the fact you are wearing ridiculously expensive shoes and your Bag cost the price of a new Fiat Uno.
Anyone that knows me well, will know this is not really my style. I usually spent a week before the show frantically rushing around every store in the city to find something half way decent not so much resembling the look of a Gucci or Dior but affordable and practical. Most years I simply ended up wearing much the same outfit as I did the year before and I am pretty sure no one ever noticed.
As you walked down the aisles you had to try not to give eye contact to the stall holders in case you are pulled into their stand and have to smile and compliment them on their hiddeous creations whilst trying to make an excuse for why you couldn't purchase from them. When you finally find dresses that will compliment your already massive collection which you "just have to have" nine times out of ten you find the shop round the corner has smugly beaten you to it and ordered ten minutes earlier “DAMN AND BLAST”.
Hair dishevelled and blisters on foot you throw yourself on the nearest chair eating a very stale cheese sandwich which cost £10 and a warm flat fizzy drink which still proceeds to repeat on you all afternoon. Then slightly dishevelled you walk past endless models, waifs smugly prancing down the aisles in size 4 dresses. Even though you are the customer and your spending is paying their wages you tend to feel so insignificant and extremely overweight and unworthy.
Adding up your orders to find you have spent the price of a luxury holiday home in Florida even after promising yourself that this year you would'nt so that by the end you feel as if in the final round with Mike Tyson. You cancel the nights stay in the B&B down the road because the idea of sitting at the Bridal Awards with all those waifs in your size 18 evening frock makes you shudder. So you drive all the way back home and flop onto your sofa still in shock.
The bridal industry like most of the fashion industry is somewhat like the acting profession. You see lots of fake smiles and there are always kisses on both cheeks and gushes of loveliness. What your customers never see is the behind the scenes "dog eat dog" first come first served race against time to get the Designers you want before your competition. You smile and pass pleasantries at the owner of the shop down the road as she passes you in the aisles (always looking much more elegant in her Prada and Jimmy choo’s) but if she dares to drop in on my Designers stands I will rugby tackle her to the floor and knock her out! If a new Designer pops up that season that shows Design promise the stand resembles the first day of the next sale with bridal shop owners pushing and shoving one another out of the way to get to the Designer first to arrange exclusivity.
Designers love their ego's to be stroked and you are expected to say every single dress they design is fantastic even if you wouldn't touch it with a barge pole. Every year they get more expensive and every year they expect you to buy more Dresses to secure their exclusivity, yes exclusivity is all important when spending so much you don't want the shop round the corner selling the same thing.
I had some great Designers, but I spent a lot with them so I suppose I was just as much a great stockists as they were a Designer. That being said choosing them took years and I have made some huge mistakes with new designers in my time... but we will come to that another day!
For some people though the Bridal Exhibition is exciting and frilly and beautiful and lovely and like a pink fairy on top of a cake.. they usually fall into one of two catagories... the ones that are either buying for a major Bridal chain (and therefore are spending someone elses money) or those who work for one of the larger Designers that own a stand at the show and so they are simply there to take orders and look pretty! For those people it is three days of Champagne, laughing, messing about, eating and Parties. Basically, they are Lucky Buggars!
Oh the joy of the Bridal Trade Exhibition where we lovingly walk gracefully around beautiful stands of elegant bridal gowns viewing graceful models in these wonderful creations whilst nodding or swaying a hand to confirm this addition to our collection and sipping glasses of champagne and eating truffles and then retiring to our luxury hotel suite for an evening at the Bridal Awards Dinner...
Er.. No not exactly!
When at the show you pass many other Bridal Shop owners, some of these ladies have been in "the business of wedding" for years and you can spot them a mile off. Mulling through stand after stand polyester white beaded dresses they stand with designer handbag over shoulder always in compulsory gaudy gold colour, i-phone in one hand, palm in the other (ear piece if they want to be really sad) and very sparkly expensive looking jewellery over every finger, wrist and neck (yes they have multiple necks haha) with Bleached Blonde highlights, extensions or even a wig, false nails, fake tan and lots and lots of make-up.
All this is because, as we all know people, it is really important what a bridal shop owner wears. The shoes and Bag are all important whilst you do not want to end up crippled for life this pales into insignifigance as you must show you can afford this new dress designer by the fact you are wearing ridiculously expensive shoes and your Bag cost the price of a new Fiat Uno.
Anyone that knows me well, will know this is not really my style. I usually spent a week before the show frantically rushing around every store in the city to find something half way decent not so much resembling the look of a Gucci or Dior but affordable and practical. Most years I simply ended up wearing much the same outfit as I did the year before and I am pretty sure no one ever noticed.
As you walked down the aisles you had to try not to give eye contact to the stall holders in case you are pulled into their stand and have to smile and compliment them on their hiddeous creations whilst trying to make an excuse for why you couldn't purchase from them. When you finally find dresses that will compliment your already massive collection which you "just have to have" nine times out of ten you find the shop round the corner has smugly beaten you to it and ordered ten minutes earlier “DAMN AND BLAST”.
Hair dishevelled and blisters on foot you throw yourself on the nearest chair eating a very stale cheese sandwich which cost £10 and a warm flat fizzy drink which still proceeds to repeat on you all afternoon. Then slightly dishevelled you walk past endless models, waifs smugly prancing down the aisles in size 4 dresses. Even though you are the customer and your spending is paying their wages you tend to feel so insignificant and extremely overweight and unworthy.
Adding up your orders to find you have spent the price of a luxury holiday home in Florida even after promising yourself that this year you would'nt so that by the end you feel as if in the final round with Mike Tyson. You cancel the nights stay in the B&B down the road because the idea of sitting at the Bridal Awards with all those waifs in your size 18 evening frock makes you shudder. So you drive all the way back home and flop onto your sofa still in shock.
The bridal industry like most of the fashion industry is somewhat like the acting profession. You see lots of fake smiles and there are always kisses on both cheeks and gushes of loveliness. What your customers never see is the behind the scenes "dog eat dog" first come first served race against time to get the Designers you want before your competition. You smile and pass pleasantries at the owner of the shop down the road as she passes you in the aisles (always looking much more elegant in her Prada and Jimmy choo’s) but if she dares to drop in on my Designers stands I will rugby tackle her to the floor and knock her out! If a new Designer pops up that season that shows Design promise the stand resembles the first day of the next sale with bridal shop owners pushing and shoving one another out of the way to get to the Designer first to arrange exclusivity.
Designers love their ego's to be stroked and you are expected to say every single dress they design is fantastic even if you wouldn't touch it with a barge pole. Every year they get more expensive and every year they expect you to buy more Dresses to secure their exclusivity, yes exclusivity is all important when spending so much you don't want the shop round the corner selling the same thing.
I had some great Designers, but I spent a lot with them so I suppose I was just as much a great stockists as they were a Designer. That being said choosing them took years and I have made some huge mistakes with new designers in my time... but we will come to that another day!
For some people though the Bridal Exhibition is exciting and frilly and beautiful and lovely and like a pink fairy on top of a cake.. they usually fall into one of two catagories... the ones that are either buying for a major Bridal chain (and therefore are spending someone elses money) or those who work for one of the larger Designers that own a stand at the show and so they are simply there to take orders and look pretty! For those people it is three days of Champagne, laughing, messing about, eating and Parties. Basically, they are Lucky Buggars!
Friday, 4 September 2009
The Dress Abusers
This is so irritating beyond belief. Now can I point out ladies that a wedding shop will have dresses which retail at well over £1,000 each which means they have most likely spent the value of a detached house in Escrick to get them on the rails so the system in a wedding shop is a little different to that of Dorothy Perkins.
For example we do not like it when you push all the dresses into one clump on the rail and proceed to pull one after the other across as if searching for another pair or hipsters in the summer sale at Miss Selfridge. Neither do we consider it big or clever to then pull out a £2,500 gown standing on the skirt has you pull it towards you mother waving it around the room.
I especially despise those that think it super fun to push the hanger still attached to the dress behind your head so as to dangle the dress in front of you stretching the neckline out of all realistic shape and leave a beautiful greasy lip gloss imprint on the front. And the final insult the ladies that seem to think as it is a sample it really doesn’t matter if, after trying on, they are discarded on the floor and stood on whilst trying the next style with their stilleto heels.
I had a bride and her mother in the studio once looking at bridal gowns, she had a budget of £1,000 exclaiming that this was an extremely large amount of money (which it is). The mother proceeds to drag through the rail pulling at a £3500 silk tulle bridal gown. I asked her to take a seat and we would go through the rail for her, she carried on dragging through the rail stamping on each dress as she went. I asked again to which she replied,
“Well how else am I to see the dresses”.
Now I could feel the blood begining to rise and thought steam would come out of my ears at this point. I replied ...
“If you take a seat I will show them all to you”
She snorted at me and replied with
“they're only samples what’s the problem”.
Now at this point I could imagine sliding my size 7 shoe towards her posterior and sending her in the direction of the stairs (or better still through the sash window into the street below her bum skimming the cobbles as she went).
I simply took a deep breath, counted to ten and said
“Well yes they are indeed samples as you say but as these gowns range from £1500-4000 and I have paid for each and every one of them myself you can imagine I must take care of them and a bride would not want to try on a dirty ripped sample would she?"
She took her seat as if a scolded child and I felt much better. Her daughter after trying on a couple of gowns apologised for her mothers ignorance and left the shop after happily promising to return without mother in tow.
For example we do not like it when you push all the dresses into one clump on the rail and proceed to pull one after the other across as if searching for another pair or hipsters in the summer sale at Miss Selfridge. Neither do we consider it big or clever to then pull out a £2,500 gown standing on the skirt has you pull it towards you mother waving it around the room.
I especially despise those that think it super fun to push the hanger still attached to the dress behind your head so as to dangle the dress in front of you stretching the neckline out of all realistic shape and leave a beautiful greasy lip gloss imprint on the front. And the final insult the ladies that seem to think as it is a sample it really doesn’t matter if, after trying on, they are discarded on the floor and stood on whilst trying the next style with their stilleto heels.
I had a bride and her mother in the studio once looking at bridal gowns, she had a budget of £1,000 exclaiming that this was an extremely large amount of money (which it is). The mother proceeds to drag through the rail pulling at a £3500 silk tulle bridal gown. I asked her to take a seat and we would go through the rail for her, she carried on dragging through the rail stamping on each dress as she went. I asked again to which she replied,
“Well how else am I to see the dresses”.
Now I could feel the blood begining to rise and thought steam would come out of my ears at this point. I replied ...
“If you take a seat I will show them all to you”
She snorted at me and replied with
“they're only samples what’s the problem”.
Now at this point I could imagine sliding my size 7 shoe towards her posterior and sending her in the direction of the stairs (or better still through the sash window into the street below her bum skimming the cobbles as she went).
I simply took a deep breath, counted to ten and said
“Well yes they are indeed samples as you say but as these gowns range from £1500-4000 and I have paid for each and every one of them myself you can imagine I must take care of them and a bride would not want to try on a dirty ripped sample would she?"
She took her seat as if a scolded child and I felt much better. Her daughter after trying on a couple of gowns apologised for her mothers ignorance and left the shop after happily promising to return without mother in tow.
Tuesday, 1 September 2009
The W.O.T.
Yes the W.O.T. If you had this marked next to your name on our diary you won’t be coming back any time soon as you are a “waste of time”.
Believe me there are people out there with nothing better to do than visit wedding shops to try on dresses just for a laugh. You can usually spot them a mile off though but I do feel sorry for the "off the peg" bridal shop as they must get these girls a lot. I do know though that many of these shop owners demand the younger brides bring their mothers with them so beware! they have ways around your tomfoolery.
So there are diferent catagories of W.O.T.
Just a bit of fun girl...
Oh what a joy these are so much fun ! in case you were wondering I am being utterly sarcastic. Funnily enough these are the same girls that call demanding an appointment at one minutes notice and if they don’t get what they want they throw the tiara's accross the room (well maybe not but you know what I mean). They prance in half an hour late because they had a late lunch and wanted to finish off the bottle of wine but still expect a full hour (I mean what does it matter that they put out another bride). When I ask their budget…
“oh around the £500 mark but at a push I could make it £800".
Now don’t get me wrong I have nothing against these brides, £800 is a lot of money to spend on a dress. I politely tell them my dresses are designer silk gowns and range at £1400+ to which they reply
“oh well I will try on anyway it’s a bit of fun isn't it”.
Well can I point out its not a bit of fun for me having some bride messing about for an hour when another bride has been turned away because we are fully booked up for the next six weeks! Don’t be surprised if I don’t find it a bit of bloody fun and boot you out the shop!
Wedding Dress Weirdo.
When working for another shop I had to do a dreaded wedding fare (we will come to those later). A lady came to the stand and went through our collection of wedding dresses and arranged an appointment to view. She came to the shop and spent well over two hours trying on dresses until she had decided on a style, asking questions over numerous emails and calls. She then came back two weeks later to try on again and again a week after that. Then, nothing no calls no emails nothing, we shrugged it off presuming she had bought elsewhere.
I receive a call from a bride wanting an appointment to view our dresses a few weeks after opening the shop. The name rings a bell but I proceed anyway and low and behold in she comes the same bride. Perhaps she had cancelled her wedding you think? Perhaps she is marrying someone else? I ask her if she has tried wedding dresses on before? She says no. Strange! Do you have a twin? No. Giving her the benefit of the doubt I allow her to try a few dresses on. Feeling like I was going through deja vous we receive countless emails and calls about the dress she definately wants and visits another time before never hearing from her again!
Six months later we are at another wedding Fare and whom do I see? You guessed it this time at another stand. I visit the stand after she has gone and ask they shop owner had she had the girls in before? “Oh yes she is getting her dress from us she has been in three times now so she will be ordering soon” don’t hold your breath I think.
Super WOT.
Or of course there are the super WOT’s which claim we don’t have enough stock – So I have spent the value of a new German Sports car in dresses this season and have the value of a small holiday home in Majorca already on the rail but that is simply not enough.
“Is this all you have”
we hear as the bride peruses the sagging rails of stock.
“Are you getting any more in?”
To which I usually reply, “what are you looking for”? Now I will guarantee you at this point she will bring out a paper clipping from a wedding magazine of the most hideous wedding gown know to history, it will be stroon with bright pink lace and heavy beading with bow peep style swags and rather attractive wonky bow on the behind. I am close to laughter and feel so strong the urge to burst out “your having a laugh aren’t you?” I don’t think I will be getting anything in like that I am afraid my designers shy away from the bloody ridiculous.
And then there is MEGA WOT!!!
I had an email from a bride wanting to come and visit I of course obliged. She came in and spent three hours trying on dresses to then tell me her wedding was two years away but she wanted to get sorted early. Annoyed but giving her the benefit of the doubt she left the shop with details on five different dresses of which she just couldn’t make up her mind which one she liked best.
She emailed six times in one week to go over the prices of each again and again asking if I would “do a deal for cash” or “would they ever be available in the sale”. Of course I don’t mind people asking me this but I had to remind her that our size 12 sample if it was in the sale would not magically change to fit her as she is a size 16 anyway.
She emails again to say she has seen another dress she really likes from the designer we stock and do we have it? we don’t, but the damn designer said to her we could borrow the dress for her to see! So we pay the £25 to borrow the dress and she likes it very much.
The thing is, she looks dreadful in it absolutely dreadful. Remember the huge hipped ones? And what don’t you wear? Bias cut right? Wrong you do if you are “Miss Strange”. I try my best to change her mind but she won’t budge. I then try offering a different skirt style one that doesn’t show her early middle age spread and doesn’t emphasise but skims! Big mistake! As she would want to see it first though, I mean, what if I didn’t like it?
So she now wants me to order a dress for free as a sample for her to try on before ordering. Politely I show her the door and ask her to speak with the designer personally. Twenty-five pounds and many hours poorer I breathe a sigh of relief that she has gone.
Oh no she sends another email saying the designer has the dress with the other skirt and we can … you guessed it, borrow the sample. No bloody way I think and tell her she will need to travel to the designer, as I am not bloody paying again.
The saga is not over yet, she emails again to complain to me that the designer did not have the dress she wanted and her time was wasted. I send back a polite note to say in a nice tone that its not my bloody problem and she would have to complain to the designer not me.
Oh god another email she is still pissed off with the designer (though not, strangely, complaining to her only to me!) and I am still down twenty five pounds not to mention many hours in dress fittings and twenty emails. I ask her what exactly she keeps emailing me for? She replies, “I just thought you were nice and I wanted someone to let off steam to” so obviously her family are sick of her as well.
So the outcome, she will never ever buy a dress from that designer not even if you paid her even though she loves it and thinks it was the best dress she had ever seen so there! Cutting your nose of the spite you face springs to mind. Oh and can she have another appointment to look at the other designers in my shop again? No bloody way, I reply email to say I think I have helped her all I can, she replies again saying “I think you are fed up of me now aren’t you” deleting a reply which just read “yes” I changed it to - well you did say your budget was £750 and we don’t have any other dresses at that price so its just upsetting you to come again and view dresses you cant afford, she replies – I just thought I could get some more ideas though, at which point I consider the fact that this is not a bride but a weird “not really getting married” lady who just wants to harass someone so I ask her to look elsewhere and then block her emails ha!
Believe me there are people out there with nothing better to do than visit wedding shops to try on dresses just for a laugh. You can usually spot them a mile off though but I do feel sorry for the "off the peg" bridal shop as they must get these girls a lot. I do know though that many of these shop owners demand the younger brides bring their mothers with them so beware! they have ways around your tomfoolery.
So there are diferent catagories of W.O.T.
Just a bit of fun girl...
Oh what a joy these are so much fun ! in case you were wondering I am being utterly sarcastic. Funnily enough these are the same girls that call demanding an appointment at one minutes notice and if they don’t get what they want they throw the tiara's accross the room (well maybe not but you know what I mean). They prance in half an hour late because they had a late lunch and wanted to finish off the bottle of wine but still expect a full hour (I mean what does it matter that they put out another bride). When I ask their budget…
“oh around the £500 mark but at a push I could make it £800".
Now don’t get me wrong I have nothing against these brides, £800 is a lot of money to spend on a dress. I politely tell them my dresses are designer silk gowns and range at £1400+ to which they reply
“oh well I will try on anyway it’s a bit of fun isn't it”.
Well can I point out its not a bit of fun for me having some bride messing about for an hour when another bride has been turned away because we are fully booked up for the next six weeks! Don’t be surprised if I don’t find it a bit of bloody fun and boot you out the shop!
Wedding Dress Weirdo.
When working for another shop I had to do a dreaded wedding fare (we will come to those later). A lady came to the stand and went through our collection of wedding dresses and arranged an appointment to view. She came to the shop and spent well over two hours trying on dresses until she had decided on a style, asking questions over numerous emails and calls. She then came back two weeks later to try on again and again a week after that. Then, nothing no calls no emails nothing, we shrugged it off presuming she had bought elsewhere.
I receive a call from a bride wanting an appointment to view our dresses a few weeks after opening the shop. The name rings a bell but I proceed anyway and low and behold in she comes the same bride. Perhaps she had cancelled her wedding you think? Perhaps she is marrying someone else? I ask her if she has tried wedding dresses on before? She says no. Strange! Do you have a twin? No. Giving her the benefit of the doubt I allow her to try a few dresses on. Feeling like I was going through deja vous we receive countless emails and calls about the dress she definately wants and visits another time before never hearing from her again!
Six months later we are at another wedding Fare and whom do I see? You guessed it this time at another stand. I visit the stand after she has gone and ask they shop owner had she had the girls in before? “Oh yes she is getting her dress from us she has been in three times now so she will be ordering soon” don’t hold your breath I think.
Super WOT.
Or of course there are the super WOT’s which claim we don’t have enough stock – So I have spent the value of a new German Sports car in dresses this season and have the value of a small holiday home in Majorca already on the rail but that is simply not enough.
“Is this all you have”
we hear as the bride peruses the sagging rails of stock.
“Are you getting any more in?”
To which I usually reply, “what are you looking for”? Now I will guarantee you at this point she will bring out a paper clipping from a wedding magazine of the most hideous wedding gown know to history, it will be stroon with bright pink lace and heavy beading with bow peep style swags and rather attractive wonky bow on the behind. I am close to laughter and feel so strong the urge to burst out “your having a laugh aren’t you?” I don’t think I will be getting anything in like that I am afraid my designers shy away from the bloody ridiculous.
And then there is MEGA WOT!!!
I had an email from a bride wanting to come and visit I of course obliged. She came in and spent three hours trying on dresses to then tell me her wedding was two years away but she wanted to get sorted early. Annoyed but giving her the benefit of the doubt she left the shop with details on five different dresses of which she just couldn’t make up her mind which one she liked best.
She emailed six times in one week to go over the prices of each again and again asking if I would “do a deal for cash” or “would they ever be available in the sale”. Of course I don’t mind people asking me this but I had to remind her that our size 12 sample if it was in the sale would not magically change to fit her as she is a size 16 anyway.
She emails again to say she has seen another dress she really likes from the designer we stock and do we have it? we don’t, but the damn designer said to her we could borrow the dress for her to see! So we pay the £25 to borrow the dress and she likes it very much.
The thing is, she looks dreadful in it absolutely dreadful. Remember the huge hipped ones? And what don’t you wear? Bias cut right? Wrong you do if you are “Miss Strange”. I try my best to change her mind but she won’t budge. I then try offering a different skirt style one that doesn’t show her early middle age spread and doesn’t emphasise but skims! Big mistake! As she would want to see it first though, I mean, what if I didn’t like it?
So she now wants me to order a dress for free as a sample for her to try on before ordering. Politely I show her the door and ask her to speak with the designer personally. Twenty-five pounds and many hours poorer I breathe a sigh of relief that she has gone.
Oh no she sends another email saying the designer has the dress with the other skirt and we can … you guessed it, borrow the sample. No bloody way I think and tell her she will need to travel to the designer, as I am not bloody paying again.
The saga is not over yet, she emails again to complain to me that the designer did not have the dress she wanted and her time was wasted. I send back a polite note to say in a nice tone that its not my bloody problem and she would have to complain to the designer not me.
Oh god another email she is still pissed off with the designer (though not, strangely, complaining to her only to me!) and I am still down twenty five pounds not to mention many hours in dress fittings and twenty emails. I ask her what exactly she keeps emailing me for? She replies, “I just thought you were nice and I wanted someone to let off steam to” so obviously her family are sick of her as well.
So the outcome, she will never ever buy a dress from that designer not even if you paid her even though she loves it and thinks it was the best dress she had ever seen so there! Cutting your nose of the spite you face springs to mind. Oh and can she have another appointment to look at the other designers in my shop again? No bloody way, I reply email to say I think I have helped her all I can, she replies again saying “I think you are fed up of me now aren’t you” deleting a reply which just read “yes” I changed it to - well you did say your budget was £750 and we don’t have any other dresses at that price so its just upsetting you to come again and view dresses you cant afford, she replies – I just thought I could get some more ideas though, at which point I consider the fact that this is not a bride but a weird “not really getting married” lady who just wants to harass someone so I ask her to look elsewhere and then block her emails ha!
Tuesday, 25 August 2009
Not quite a WAG bride.
Picture the scene, its Saturday, the day in the week when every bride wants to go around and choose her wedding dress. Most sensible girls with an IQ level higher than a goldfish realise that on a busy day an appointment would be an advantage. With a diary full of appointments we hear the door chimes clank and a parade of stomping feet climb the stairs.
It takes some time because as you would expect the usual pram and pushchair cavalcade follow along with teenager from hell, cherub/devil flower girl, matron of honour dressed in combats, crop top, short spiky hair bleached blond and black displaying interesting tattoos and a collection of gold hoop earrings up each ear as well as one in her nose. A mother, mother in law, Auntie, Grandmother and friend (for a second opinion of course) all tramp up the stairs flagged by what can only be described as the Bride of Frankenstein.
The bride too, is wearing crop top and combats, DM boots but even more delightful the combats are hipsters and show off not only tattoos but also the top half of the cerise pink g-string. She starts by barging into the main room nearly sending the current bride who has an appointment flying. At which I make a rugby tackle like dive in front of the door
“Do you rent dresses?” she bellows
I try not to seem too snooty but please people, rent dresses? When have you ever heard that? I replied with “I am sorry I don’t think there are any shops in the city that HIRE their GOWNS” the mother of the bride lets out a huff and tutt and rants “we just want to look at your dresses” to which I reply “I am sorry but you need an appointment” the poor bride with an appointment is looking on bemused and terrified at the prospect of the convoy of people being ushered into the room in which she stands. “What just to look at them that’s stupid come on Kylie lets go” and they retreat slamming the door wind chimes nearly smashed into oblivion as they pass.
One very hectic Saturday, my Saturday worker is sitting around as usual either arms crossed yawning and off in her dream world or texting her mates about some lad she met. The alterations expert is in the main fitting room with yet another bride who has lost weight slowing losing patience with the amount of alteration work to be done and I am on the 2nd floor with four bridesmaids all with diferent dress styles in mind. I hear the door chimes ring and a stampede of heavy feet climb the stairs. Waiting to greet them I come face to face with “loud bride”.
Bride - “Do you have bridesmaids stuff” she shouts at ten decibels
“Yes we do but I am afraid we are fully booked today”.
Now I am not posh (ask anyone who knows me) and I am not snooty but this bride was extremely loud and extremely common I am sorry but it has to be said. She was probably about a size 26 with tattoos and piercings galore. She is not shifting so I run for some brochures and the price list. Whilst I am in the other room gathering my “get out of the shop” material I hear her delicate bellow as she looks at the size 8 svelte bride in the fitting room and says “oh you look ace in that love”. She then turns to her “husband to be” a scrawny little fellow with a scalped haircut and various tattoos to match his partner and states “that’s how thin I want to be for our wedding when I’ve had’t Baby”.
Not something you usually expect to hear in a bridal shop I try to contain myself as I shove the brochures in her hand and gesture her to the door. Really ladies please contain yourself a bridal shop is a serene place of peace and tranquillity not an episode of Jeremy Kyle.
It takes some time because as you would expect the usual pram and pushchair cavalcade follow along with teenager from hell, cherub/devil flower girl, matron of honour dressed in combats, crop top, short spiky hair bleached blond and black displaying interesting tattoos and a collection of gold hoop earrings up each ear as well as one in her nose. A mother, mother in law, Auntie, Grandmother and friend (for a second opinion of course) all tramp up the stairs flagged by what can only be described as the Bride of Frankenstein.
The bride too, is wearing crop top and combats, DM boots but even more delightful the combats are hipsters and show off not only tattoos but also the top half of the cerise pink g-string. She starts by barging into the main room nearly sending the current bride who has an appointment flying. At which I make a rugby tackle like dive in front of the door
“Do you rent dresses?” she bellows
I try not to seem too snooty but please people, rent dresses? When have you ever heard that? I replied with “I am sorry I don’t think there are any shops in the city that HIRE their GOWNS” the mother of the bride lets out a huff and tutt and rants “we just want to look at your dresses” to which I reply “I am sorry but you need an appointment” the poor bride with an appointment is looking on bemused and terrified at the prospect of the convoy of people being ushered into the room in which she stands. “What just to look at them that’s stupid come on Kylie lets go” and they retreat slamming the door wind chimes nearly smashed into oblivion as they pass.
One very hectic Saturday, my Saturday worker is sitting around as usual either arms crossed yawning and off in her dream world or texting her mates about some lad she met. The alterations expert is in the main fitting room with yet another bride who has lost weight slowing losing patience with the amount of alteration work to be done and I am on the 2nd floor with four bridesmaids all with diferent dress styles in mind. I hear the door chimes ring and a stampede of heavy feet climb the stairs. Waiting to greet them I come face to face with “loud bride”.
Bride - “Do you have bridesmaids stuff” she shouts at ten decibels
“Yes we do but I am afraid we are fully booked today”.
Now I am not posh (ask anyone who knows me) and I am not snooty but this bride was extremely loud and extremely common I am sorry but it has to be said. She was probably about a size 26 with tattoos and piercings galore. She is not shifting so I run for some brochures and the price list. Whilst I am in the other room gathering my “get out of the shop” material I hear her delicate bellow as she looks at the size 8 svelte bride in the fitting room and says “oh you look ace in that love”. She then turns to her “husband to be” a scrawny little fellow with a scalped haircut and various tattoos to match his partner and states “that’s how thin I want to be for our wedding when I’ve had’t Baby”.
Not something you usually expect to hear in a bridal shop I try to contain myself as I shove the brochures in her hand and gesture her to the door. Really ladies please contain yourself a bridal shop is a serene place of peace and tranquillity not an episode of Jeremy Kyle.
Sunday, 23 August 2009
Piercings? Tattoos? it has to be the premaddona teenage bridesmaids.
Always super skinny, called Kylie or some other sweet femine name which doesn't quite go with the tattoo and at least a couple of piercings (always one in the tongue) and hate the thought of wearing a dress. They usually want to look as anorexic as possible pulling the bridesmaid dress into the bones.
Take one poor unfortunate of our brides who thought it would be lovely to ask her cousin who was 14 years old to be a bridesmaid. She had not seen her for years but remembered her to be a lovely pretty young girl who loved playing with Barbie’s.
The bride arrived first, eagerly awaiting the arrival of the bridesmaid with her Aunt in tow. Moments later the door slung open and crashed shut and the heavy sound of biker boots came bounding up the stairs. The bride looking quite nervous watched as the bridesmaid from hell turned the top of the stair to the main room. Complete with compulsory miserable expression and various piercings she slumped on the chair mobile phone in hand and proceeds to make strange grumbling noises as each style of dress was displayed in front of her whilst texting her friends some weird code known only to the under 16's.
Finally a dress was chosen much to her discontent and they all left the bride looking a little worse for wear. Arriving for her fitting with six inch high "street walker" style shoes she snapped at our seamstress “its not tight enough take it in” answering her mother back at all possible occasions with the usual "am I bovvered". She then exclaimed “I am having my nose pierced this week” at one point I thought the bride would faint this was all too amusing for me as in a way she was getting them back for all the rubbish I have to put up with from the bride!
Take one poor unfortunate of our brides who thought it would be lovely to ask her cousin who was 14 years old to be a bridesmaid. She had not seen her for years but remembered her to be a lovely pretty young girl who loved playing with Barbie’s.
The bride arrived first, eagerly awaiting the arrival of the bridesmaid with her Aunt in tow. Moments later the door slung open and crashed shut and the heavy sound of biker boots came bounding up the stairs. The bride looking quite nervous watched as the bridesmaid from hell turned the top of the stair to the main room. Complete with compulsory miserable expression and various piercings she slumped on the chair mobile phone in hand and proceeds to make strange grumbling noises as each style of dress was displayed in front of her whilst texting her friends some weird code known only to the under 16's.
Finally a dress was chosen much to her discontent and they all left the bride looking a little worse for wear. Arriving for her fitting with six inch high "street walker" style shoes she snapped at our seamstress “its not tight enough take it in” answering her mother back at all possible occasions with the usual "am I bovvered". She then exclaimed “I am having my nose pierced this week” at one point I thought the bride would faint this was all too amusing for me as in a way she was getting them back for all the rubbish I have to put up with from the bride!
Thursday, 20 August 2009
That David Dickinson look!
Make up and the fake tan.
The bride always wants to look her best. Often we get brides for their final fitting directly after their trip to the tanning salon glowing and pink and greasy from the tanning cream. They cannot understand our unwillingness to let them put on their gown. . Then there is that danger of sun bed tanning “the overall effect”. Take one bride who had regular visits to the tanning studio. She braved the bed in her birthday suit and was careful to be finely crisped and baked on each side. She inadvertently forgot however, to lift her arms during the process and ended up with a shocking lily white underarms which beautifully matched her dress!. Of course there is the sun worshipper but that does not come without its own risk. One of our lovely brides, a school teacher was at her school sports day. The day was a baking hot July and determined not to get those awful strap marks before her day she covered up in a white t-shirt only to find when undressing that evening she had a beautifully defined T-Shirt neckline and arms in a lovely salmon pink and lily white everywhere else, priceless!
And of course there is the “Fake tan” which is now very popular. That lovely orange glow which, for some reason, is highly fashionable these days. You can image how lovely the look as orange goes so well with the ivory. Of course it never enters their heads that fake tan can come off, you can imagine the uproar when the fake tan ends up on the lovely crisp white dress and who do you think they blame?
The bride always wants to look her best. Often we get brides for their final fitting directly after their trip to the tanning salon glowing and pink and greasy from the tanning cream. They cannot understand our unwillingness to let them put on their gown. . Then there is that danger of sun bed tanning “the overall effect”. Take one bride who had regular visits to the tanning studio. She braved the bed in her birthday suit and was careful to be finely crisped and baked on each side. She inadvertently forgot however, to lift her arms during the process and ended up with a shocking lily white underarms which beautifully matched her dress!. Of course there is the sun worshipper but that does not come without its own risk. One of our lovely brides, a school teacher was at her school sports day. The day was a baking hot July and determined not to get those awful strap marks before her day she covered up in a white t-shirt only to find when undressing that evening she had a beautifully defined T-Shirt neckline and arms in a lovely salmon pink and lily white everywhere else, priceless!
And of course there is the “Fake tan” which is now very popular. That lovely orange glow which, for some reason, is highly fashionable these days. You can image how lovely the look as orange goes so well with the ivory. Of course it never enters their heads that fake tan can come off, you can imagine the uproar when the fake tan ends up on the lovely crisp white dress and who do you think they blame?
Wednesday, 19 August 2009
"I'll sqweem and sqweem until I'm sick" - The Bratty children bridesmaids.
Many are the day I would go into the bridesmaid room to see it resembling the scene from the exorcist with small children heads spinning around projectile vomiting pea soup across the room (well maybe not the vomiting).
The sign on the door says bridal shop but to a six-year-old cherub it says play barn. Swinging from the light fittings and hiding under the dresses.
Maybe it’s because I had no children at the time, (which apparently causes most mothers of small children to tilt their heads to one side as if in sympathy of my childless existence) but I cannot stand them… well not all of them but most of them.
Most are spoilt little buggers demanding chocolate and presents for simply coming into a shop and blackmail their mothers that if they don’t get the chocolate and presents they will act up in any embarrassing manor until they do.
Mothers of course bring their children as if parading them at a Miss Pears contest awaiting the ooohs and aahhs. The trouble is underneath that glow of angelic proportions is a six year old going on sixteen with all the manners and poise of a Doberman pincher. My gut instinct at most times is to await the turn of the parents head and give the little darling a quick kick up the rear end but must hold back must stay patient.
As they try on everything in the shop the girly girls go for the tulle and proceed to swing around and thrown themselves on the floor rolling around in the dog poo and chewing gum left by the previous customers pushchair. The tomboy girls hate everything and everyone and ensure that every ones life is made a misery before they storm out of the shop only to accept the role as cherub bridesmaid if she gets the latest cartoon DVD. All small children proceed to wipe their sticky hands over everything in site whilst their mother sits in a dream like state. Only when we ask them not to dangle out of the second floor window do the mothers say “don’t do that dear” in a soft high pitched sickly tone completely ignored by the demon child.
One mother this particular week had one child who insisted on kicking our floor to ceiling mirror with the heel of his shoe. When I asked the bride to tell him to stop as it was dangerous she snapped “you shouldn’t have a mirror there if it is not safe for him to lean on”. After trying to explain that it was totally safe to lean on just not to kick the living s**t out of and that this is not a “play barn” but a wedding shop she decided to leave, much to my relief.
We are left in a war like state of disarray, floor covered with broken tiara’s rails of dresses pushed every which way and hand prints and smiley face shapes drawn into the mirrors with sticky hands. It’s a real delight every time I can assure you. When they leave the shop after being absolute little s**ts we hear their mothers saying “weren’t you good Felicity, we can go to the local burger bar now as a treat”. God bless em.
The sign on the door says bridal shop but to a six-year-old cherub it says play barn. Swinging from the light fittings and hiding under the dresses.
Maybe it’s because I had no children at the time, (which apparently causes most mothers of small children to tilt their heads to one side as if in sympathy of my childless existence) but I cannot stand them… well not all of them but most of them.
Most are spoilt little buggers demanding chocolate and presents for simply coming into a shop and blackmail their mothers that if they don’t get the chocolate and presents they will act up in any embarrassing manor until they do.
Mothers of course bring their children as if parading them at a Miss Pears contest awaiting the ooohs and aahhs. The trouble is underneath that glow of angelic proportions is a six year old going on sixteen with all the manners and poise of a Doberman pincher. My gut instinct at most times is to await the turn of the parents head and give the little darling a quick kick up the rear end but must hold back must stay patient.
As they try on everything in the shop the girly girls go for the tulle and proceed to swing around and thrown themselves on the floor rolling around in the dog poo and chewing gum left by the previous customers pushchair. The tomboy girls hate everything and everyone and ensure that every ones life is made a misery before they storm out of the shop only to accept the role as cherub bridesmaid if she gets the latest cartoon DVD. All small children proceed to wipe their sticky hands over everything in site whilst their mother sits in a dream like state. Only when we ask them not to dangle out of the second floor window do the mothers say “don’t do that dear” in a soft high pitched sickly tone completely ignored by the demon child.
One mother this particular week had one child who insisted on kicking our floor to ceiling mirror with the heel of his shoe. When I asked the bride to tell him to stop as it was dangerous she snapped “you shouldn’t have a mirror there if it is not safe for him to lean on”. After trying to explain that it was totally safe to lean on just not to kick the living s**t out of and that this is not a “play barn” but a wedding shop she decided to leave, much to my relief.
We are left in a war like state of disarray, floor covered with broken tiara’s rails of dresses pushed every which way and hand prints and smiley face shapes drawn into the mirrors with sticky hands. It’s a real delight every time I can assure you. When they leave the shop after being absolute little s**ts we hear their mothers saying “weren’t you good Felicity, we can go to the local burger bar now as a treat”. God bless em.
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