Bras and boobs

Yes its official they are getting bigger and bigger and what does every girl want to wear with those double-F cup bazookas? Yes, you guessed it, a strapless dress of course.

They usually arrive for their viewing in a soft T-shirt style wireless bra with their chests dropping to knee level. Don’t they realise that in twenty years that there proudly displayed chest will droop to floor in cavewoman type fashion? So we politely ask them to lift their bust up from the floor and into the cup of the dress, which follows with them lifting our dress. “No not the dress dear your boobs” with a bewildered look which proves that they have never ever lifted their bust into the correct above navel position they wriggle the dress down again “no dear put your hands in the dress and lift up your bust” at which point I wish I could get in their and move them myself in baking bread fashion. Finally the penny drops and the bust are levered into position, which amazingly creates a waist hurrah!

Bride - “Oh don’t I look slim in this?”

They exclaim it with glee at which point I wish to reply ”that’s because we can see your waist past your bust now dear” but as always I hold back the sarcasm. So now with bust surprised into natural position she stomps unladylike into the main room with mother tearfully looking on wishing we could always dress daughter to ensure bust is not scraping floor in later years.

We had one of these delightful ladies in recently with her ample FF boobs. She was adamant that she wanted a bias cut soft satin gown with a bare back with shoestring straps. Trying to explain that she would not be able to wear a bra with this slinky number was rebuffed with

“that’s not a problem I can wear those stick on bra cups”

Now I don’t think they realised that the stick on cups are not magic! They can’t defy gravity by lifting anything up they just cover any evidence of a cold winters day (if you see what I mean) so I really can’t imagine the look of double FF boobs drooping down to the waist in slinky dress. I politely showed her the door.

Then of course there is the opposite end of the spectrum the under endowed these lovely ladies that do not have to be coaxed into a bust cup but which need that extra wadding to fill in the large gaps.

Our secret weapon is actually the shoulder pad a wonderful tool for packing out the less fortunate bust. Believe me this is a much safer tool as it avoids any possibly embarrassing moments in front of the alter where chicken filets have been known to end up on the floor being chased down the aisle much to the dismay of the vicar and hilarity of the congregation. We also avoid the use of bust cups, thus avoiding the horror when your nearest and dearest hugs you tightly and steps away to display two indented holes where your boobs should of been. So thanks to the 1980’s shoulder pads are back in fashion! just slightly slipped.